I do not have a personal written journal.  Those thoughts and moments are lived in my head and they are usually fleeting, so often I wish I did write them down.  People tell me I should write more.  Well, today was one of those moments for me that I knew I wanted to share because it was so amazing! 

Lately I have had a heavy heart and it has been hard to find beams of light. The circumstances are personal and it is not necessary to share them, but like people who journey through struggles, I know that the "personal nature" is also a common one for many others, so I write today for you.

I have always found God in nature much easier than in other places.  So from the deck of Eagles Wings in the dawning morning light on most days, I read from a wonderful, small devotional book by Sarah Young called Jesus Calling, and also from Henri Nouwen's Bread for the Journey.  Henri Nouwen is my very favorite devotional writer - he was a Jesuit missionary, pastor and lecturer on the faculty of Harvard and Yale Divinity Schools.  If you have not read any of his writings, DO SO!  I was catching up from the last 3 days, so today as I read the writing for January 8th it seemed remarkable.  They both had the same message.

From Jesus Calling:  Softly I announce my presence.  Shimmering hues of radiance tap gently at your consciousness, seeking entrance.  Though I have all power in heaven and on earth, I am infinitely tender with you.  The weaker you are, the more gently I approach you.  Let your weakness be a door to My Presence. Whenever you feel inadequate, remember that I am your ever-present Help.  Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression and self-pity.  Hope is like a golden cord connecting you to heaven.  The more you cling to this cord, the more I bear the weight of your burdens; thus, you are lightened.  Heaviness is not of My kingdom.  Cling to hope, the My rays of Light will reach you through the darkness.

As I lowered the book and looked up across the still cloudy, dark plains below, an amazing ray of light began to shine on the hills.  The sky was heavy above the breaking light underneath it as the light slowly spread across the top of the hills.  Over the next 10 minutes it crept slowly toward me, lighting the plains and the animals below.  It was truly breathtaking and I knew it was just for me.  It warmed me as I sat there, it was as though God was gently covering me with his blanket.

His message was enhanced with my reading from Henri Nouwen:  Often we want to be able to see into the future.   We say, "How will next year be for me?  Where will I be five or ten years from now?"  There are no answers to these questions.  Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step:  what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day.  The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark.  When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go.  Let's rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away.

So although the light eventually filled my space this morning, it needs to spread yet further.  I cannot tell you how important it is for me and for you to find a still, quiet beginning to your day and "be still and know that I am God", where He can encourage you in some way. For me, my epiphany moments are always on the "deck" at Eagles Wings.  It is our special place - God's and mine - and although my heavy heart and circumstances are still there, I feel some of the burden and load lifted.  It is good to be reminded that my God knows all and walks with me, carrying much of the load.  I know that this message is going to bless others of my dear friends who are struggling now (you know who you are), and I really only share this so that we also know that we are not alone in our journeys.  I pray for you and ask your prayers for me, and through our prayers I know the Lord will bless us.

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    Deb Snell

    I have lived in Kenya for 16 years and I still know very little!  Every day I experience things that change my presuppositions about how things should be and wonder why life isn't easier.  Living among people not from my American culture exposes me to these "teachable moments" - I learn something every day - the whys, the hows, the values, the lives of those living in mostly difficult situations.  I hope to give you a glimpse into the dilemma, the hope, the ever present questioning, the learning... in these occasional blog posts.


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